I know I have written about his before, but please, please, please do not compare losing a pet to losing a family member. It is not, and never will be, the same.
I am truly, sincerely sorry you lost your pet. I love animals and it is very sad when one passes away. I had my Golden Retriever Sandy for 12 years before he passed away in his sleep. I had my son Corbin for three months before his heart stopped. Not the same.
I know most parents will never understand, and I hope they never do. Losing a child is a cruel, dark, and very sad time in a parent's life. We are not supposed to out live our children, it is just not the way it should be. But sadly it does happen. After Corbin passed, family members came out to say that they had lost their two year to drowning, another lost her middle aged son to a car crash, another to Lupus..and that was just in my immediate family. I hate that others can relate.
You can NOT relate, however, if you lost a pet. Don't even begin to say that you understand because you don't. You may think you do, but you don't.
Just do not say it.
Ever.
Ever.
Losing a pet is NOT "the hardest thing I have ever gone through"
Losing a pet is NOT "like losing a family member"
Losing a pet is losing a pet. Not your mother, not your sister, and most certainly not your child.
I want to stress here that I am not trying to be insensitive or hateful. I am just trying to let you know how much it hurts when you say that! As I type this I am on the verge of tears, trembling with a mix of anger and sadness. I just read a conversation where someone said losing their cat was the hardest thing they have ever gone through. Then someone said they understood, it was like losing a family member.
Oh how I wanted to yell and scream and make them understand.
But I can't do that.
If I yelled about how stupid that sounds to me and how hurtful it is, I would be singled out at the crazy, emotional mother who lost a baby. So I, as tactfully as I could, commented that I was truly sorry but I did not agree that it was the worst that could happen.
But they don't understand.
So instead, I am here, venting to my computer about how hurt and sad and angry that makes me. I cried when Sandy died, I reminisced about his life and the good times we had together. Then it was over. I had my moment to be sad over my puppy but then it was done.
After Corbin died, I just wanted to switch places with him. I cried, and screamed, and grieved, and it was truly the worst thing that had ever happened to me. That grief will never end. I will always long for my child, to touch his toes, to stroke his hair, to kiss his little button nose. But I will never have that chance. I will never hold my baby again and that is the worst thing in the world.
So please, I beg you, do not compare the two. Losing any family member, whether pet or human is painful yes, but they are NOT the same.
I am truly, sincerely sorry you lost your pet. I love animals and it is very sad when one passes away. I had my Golden Retriever Sandy for 12 years before he passed away in his sleep. I had my son Corbin for three months before his heart stopped. Not the same.
I know most parents will never understand, and I hope they never do. Losing a child is a cruel, dark, and very sad time in a parent's life. We are not supposed to out live our children, it is just not the way it should be. But sadly it does happen. After Corbin passed, family members came out to say that they had lost their two year to drowning, another lost her middle aged son to a car crash, another to Lupus..and that was just in my immediate family. I hate that others can relate.
You can NOT relate, however, if you lost a pet. Don't even begin to say that you understand because you don't. You may think you do, but you don't.
Just do not say it.
Ever.
Ever.
Losing a pet is NOT "the hardest thing I have ever gone through"
Losing a pet is NOT "like losing a family member"
Losing a pet is losing a pet. Not your mother, not your sister, and most certainly not your child.
I want to stress here that I am not trying to be insensitive or hateful. I am just trying to let you know how much it hurts when you say that! As I type this I am on the verge of tears, trembling with a mix of anger and sadness. I just read a conversation where someone said losing their cat was the hardest thing they have ever gone through. Then someone said they understood, it was like losing a family member.
Oh how I wanted to yell and scream and make them understand.
But I can't do that.
If I yelled about how stupid that sounds to me and how hurtful it is, I would be singled out at the crazy, emotional mother who lost a baby. So I, as tactfully as I could, commented that I was truly sorry but I did not agree that it was the worst that could happen.
But they don't understand.
So instead, I am here, venting to my computer about how hurt and sad and angry that makes me. I cried when Sandy died, I reminisced about his life and the good times we had together. Then it was over. I had my moment to be sad over my puppy but then it was done.
After Corbin died, I just wanted to switch places with him. I cried, and screamed, and grieved, and it was truly the worst thing that had ever happened to me. That grief will never end. I will always long for my child, to touch his toes, to stroke his hair, to kiss his little button nose. But I will never have that chance. I will never hold my baby again and that is the worst thing in the world.
So please, I beg you, do not compare the two. Losing any family member, whether pet or human is painful yes, but they are NOT the same.
Jennifer Sheard · 660 weeks ago
Amanda Rose Adams · 660 weeks ago
I guess the thing about this that bothers me most, Ruth, is that when others compare a pet to a child, it steals the humanity from that child. The personality and person they are or were or would have been is so much bigger, and we should never diminish it by comparison with something entirely different. Of course, I don't think anyone who makes that comparison has thought it through that far. They are simply reacting to their pain and can't see beyond it in the moment. That is sad and heartbreaking on so many levels. I'm sorry you were injured by someone else's pain.
Corbin's life has made a real difference in the world and will continue to do so, even if the difference comes from his memory rather than his becoming. I recognize and honor your grief for the loss of his person and his becoming. Your loss is so real and so lasting, and you have been heard. I hope that gives you some small comfort to know you are heard and you are loved.
So much love to you,
Amanda
Brittanie · 660 weeks ago
My daughter died in 2006. She was stillborn 2 weeks before her due date. I never saw her face while she was alive. I still shed a tear or two daily. Sometimes outright sobs.
I MISS my dog, and I am sad she is gone. I GRIEVE for my daughter. A part of me died when she did. It changed me to the core, and I will never be the same person I was before her death. I see my world with a Cora shaped hole in it.
No, it is not the same.