Friday, August 10, 2012

NOT the same

I know I have written about his before, but please, please, please do not compare losing a pet to losing a family member. It is not, and never will be, the same.

I am truly, sincerely sorry you lost your pet. I love animals and it is very sad when one passes away. I had my Golden Retriever Sandy for 12 years before he passed away in his sleep. I had my son Corbin for three months before his heart stopped. Not the same.

I know most parents will never understand, and I hope they never do. Losing a child is a cruel, dark, and very sad time in a parent's life. We are not supposed to out live our children, it is just not the way it should be. But sadly it does happen. After Corbin passed, family members came out to say that they had lost their two year to drowning, another lost her middle aged son to a car crash, another to Lupus..and that was just in my immediate family. I hate that others can relate.

You can NOT relate, however, if you lost a pet. Don't even begin to say that you understand because you don't. You may think you do, but you don't.
Just do not say it.

Losing a pet is NOT "the hardest thing I have ever gone through"
Losing a pet is NOT "like losing a family member"
Losing a pet is losing a pet. Not your mother, not your sister, and most certainly not your child.

I want to stress here that I am not trying to be insensitive or hateful. I am just trying to let you know how much it hurts when you say that! As I type this I am on the verge of tears, trembling with a mix of anger and sadness. I just read a conversation where someone said losing their cat was the hardest thing they have ever gone through. Then someone said they understood, it was like losing a family member.
Oh how I wanted to yell and scream and make them understand.
But I can't do that.
If I yelled about how stupid that sounds to me and how hurtful it is, I would be singled out at the crazy, emotional mother who lost a baby. So I, as tactfully as I could, commented that I was truly sorry but I did not agree that it was the worst that could happen.
But they don't understand.

So instead, I am here, venting to my computer about how hurt and sad and angry that makes me. I cried when Sandy died, I reminisced about his life and the good times we had together. Then it was over. I had my  moment to be sad over my puppy but then it was done.
After Corbin died, I just wanted to switch places with him. I cried, and screamed, and grieved, and it was truly the worst thing that had ever happened to me. That grief will never end. I will always long for my child, to touch his toes, to stroke his hair, to kiss his little button nose. But I will never have that chance. I will never hold my baby again and that is the worst thing in the world.

So please, I beg you, do not compare the two. Losing any family member, whether pet or human is painful yes, but they are NOT the same.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Paint a sunset

Dear Peanut,
It's your daddy's birthday today.
I know he must be thinking of you and how much he misses you. It breaks my heart that he won't be able to celebrate his life without his second son here.
After you passed away, Hubby told me that after we got married, he prayed and prayed for two boys. The day we found out we were having you, took his breathe away because it showed that God had answered his prayers. But then you were taken back. It broke his heart Peanut. It truly tore his heart open. Why would God give him the two sons he asked for, only to take one away?
Even though you could not stay, we would not trade a single day we had with you. He was, and is, so proud of you. So proud of what you have inspired and accomplished through those that knew you.
I hope you can have a moment with your Daddy tomorrow and let him know that you will always be with us and you love him. I hope you paint the most magnificent sunset tomorrow, just for him.

Love you always,