Monday, April 30, 2012

It's getting close

With Corbin's first angel-versary coming up on the 17th, I'm really struggling with what I could do. I am actually going to be in DC on that day, which really bothers me that I won't be home with my family on such a hard day, but it can't be helped.

I know while I'm in DC, I'm going to release a balloon for him. It will nice to know that I never would have made it DC without Corbin. I never would have had these opportunities or would have met such great people. Maybe I could get a few of us at the meeting to have a moment for Corbin.

I'm just wondering, angel moms: what did you do for your angel's first anniversary?

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

So there was this post..

So there was this post on Babble, lets just say it was about "worst things about being a mom."
The title caught my attention on Twitter so I followed the link to read the article. When I got to the page, the first thing that jumped out at me was the picture.

It was a woman with a banana to her head, like she was going to "shoot" herself.

I skimmed over the list, barely reading, then left my comment.
"This would have been better with a different picture, I'm not a fan, but I agree with some of the points on the list..etc."

Did that sound hateful to you?
I didn't mean it to be hateful, I didn't type it with hate in my heart, and I certainly didn't use hateful words.
But apparently I offended a lot of people with my "lack of sense of humor".

The article listed things like
-worrying about your teen's first date
-that moment when you lose sight of your child
-getting the holy trinity of body fluids all over you with a newborn

Things like that.
It wasn't saying that the reader hated being a mom, or that she hated her kids; it was just talking about those crazy/scary/nasty moments that happen when you have children.

The thing that bothered me was the picture. To me, as an angel mom, the first thing I thought of was all those mothers out there who suffer from post traumatic stress disorder or extreme depression after having a child. Those mothers that really get so down that they don't want to live anymore. Those mothers who don't like their child and don't know why. Those mothers who really do have a problem and don't like being a mother.

On top of that, the whole list made me sad because I will NEVER have those moments or those worries with Corbin. I will never change horribly nasty diapers, or get thrown up on, or jump out of my skin the first time he falls. I will never pick out baby clothes or be able to complain about his teething or crying. I will never have any of those experiences.

In that split second, when my brain registered that picture, all those thoughts went through my head. When I left my comment, that it was I was referring to but I didn't want to bring everyone down by explaining why I felt that way.

BUT after seeing the writer post on Facebook that she had wrote an article for Babble and "according to the comments, the haters do not like it" the shit storm began.
So now I'm a hater.
What happened after is what I can only call gang mentality. All of her followers were like "oh no she didn't!" and ran over to the page to call me names, make fun of my lack of a sense of humor, call me a "perfect parent" for not finding it funny, and overall just ripping me apart.

I now had to defend myself.
I started off mad and wanting to make everyone feel bad for making fun of me. They had NO FLIPPING idea why I felt the way I did. But as I started typing, it didn't come out mad or even the least bit angry; I began to cry. I poured out my heart to those mean people and explained calmly, and very emotionally why I felt the way I did. I just wanted someone to be like "I get what your saying and I'm sorry."

A few did, some said things like "I'm sorry for your loss, BUT you have to remember that this is all in fun..." BLAH BLAH BLAH. Now they think I'm the depressed mom of a dead child that can't take a joke.

I was very touched to see a few comments that were sincere and apologetic. The writer herself took the time to apologize and offer condolences and did not try to explain herself. That I really appreciated, and the fact that she took the post down from Facebook. That really made me feel like I was heard. No longer was there a post pointing out the "haters" so her followers weren't all riled up and ready for a fight.

I wasn't trying to be that person that started an argument or made a big deal of something little. I really wasn't. I said I didn't like the picture and left it at that. I could have explained why, in my first comment, and made a huge scene about how inappropriate it was to have that picture considering the number of mothers suffering from PTSD in the world, I could have made an emotional show of myself crying about how this list offended me because my son had died, but I didn't. The hateful responses, however, forced me to explain myself. I was now the sad mom who couldn't take a joke.

Oh freaking well.

It doesn't matter now and I'm not going to check back to see if anyone said anything else. I just wanted to get this out. When you are in that kind of situation, don't attack people. Don't call people names and assume they are being a jack hole or trying to cause a scene. There are people out there who take certain things in a different way and we should all be a little more considerate. Instead of saying "what the hell is your problem?", say "I'm sorry you feel that way, can I ask why?"

The world is in dire need of more respect and better manners. We could all take a cue from the lessons taught in Kindergarten.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Photo a Day: April

I LOVE these photo challenges. I tried the 365 project but the one I was following didn't have a daily prompt of what you should photograph so it was kind of boring. Needless to say, I didn't follow that challenge very long.

Over at FatMumSlim, she is hosting a photo challenge for April. I followed through the March photo challenge for every day and I really enjoy the ideas she comes up with.

Here is a screen shot of her photo challenge. If you want to follow along on Instagram, use the #PHOTOADAYAPRIL hashtag so others can search for your photo.

Day 1: Your reflection.
And thanks to a comment on my Facebook I have to address: NO I didn't beat up! LOL. That is a shadow from my Ipad. I was trying to move the mirror around so there wasn't a glare from the ceiling fan light but also not a huge shadow on my face from my Ipad. This was the best I could get! 

Follow me on Instagram at: Calishorty4 and Tumblr