Heart racing, pulse rising...I can't watch other babies go through what Corbin did. Dear God, give me strength. This past week has been so hard. I miss him and the pain makes me want to stay in bed all day and not talk to anyone.
A new mother was told her daughter might have heart defects. I found out that there are no serious heart problems but I can't help but worry. She says her daughter has really bad jaundice; Corbin had really bad jaundice. Just the thought of "what if they're wrong?" sends my heart racing. I feel the fear come back. I can't breath. I'm terrified for this mother, for the things she doesn't know, for the things I DO know. Dear God, what if they're wrong? What if this mother goes home and her baby dies in her arms? There's nothing I can do. I can't tell this mother "I think you need a second opinion". I can't put that amount of doubt, worry, and fear on her shoulders. So I carry it instead. Am I losing it? Am I going to think every baby is going to die? The fear, the worry, the wild thoughts.
What is wrong with me?
A new mother was told her daughter might have heart defects. I found out that there are no serious heart problems but I can't help but worry. She says her daughter has really bad jaundice; Corbin had really bad jaundice. Just the thought of "what if they're wrong?" sends my heart racing. I feel the fear come back. I can't breath. I'm terrified for this mother, for the things she doesn't know, for the things I DO know. Dear God, what if they're wrong? What if this mother goes home and her baby dies in her arms? There's nothing I can do. I can't tell this mother "I think you need a second opinion". I can't put that amount of doubt, worry, and fear on her shoulders. So I carry it instead. Am I losing it? Am I going to think every baby is going to die? The fear, the worry, the wild thoughts.
What is wrong with me?
