Reaching out 13 years after losing a child..

 "Your story is a hard one to tell but I have a great love for you for sharing. I myself had a loss of a child. Our first pregnancy ended in miscarriage and I had to come home to an empty room..."

I get these kind of emails more often then I'd like...but at the same time I'm thankful they are reaching out to me. Child loss is an unimaginable pain, but it should not be carried alone. We must all come together in love, compassion, and understanding to hold each other up, to offer up a tissue, and cry with each other as we grieve and mourn our lost children. 

You are not alone.

You will never be alone.

I just wanted to say: I'm listening. I'm here. 

Into the black hole, I fall

I feel like I'm spinning around and around and I'm losing control of everything I had a grip on.

The whirling ball of anxiety in my chest gets faster and faster to where it makes me dizzy and I just want to scream.

I can't even concentrate enough to get this post out. What am I trying to say?

I'm fed up! I'm so mentally exhausted, right now, in this moment with the world. The world can kiss my butt because I'm not answering the door.

I just want to give up some days. Just say "you win, you can have it all". Take everything I have worked on and take credit for it. Take everything that I'm proud of and make it worthless. Take what I am so proud of and make it shameful. Just do it and get it over with.

That would be easier.

I just want to sleep for days and days and pretend I have no responsibilities; that I don't have a million and one things to worry about; that I don't have a pile of stress just waiting to crash down on me. Can't I check out? Please? Just give me a day.

I'm just so tired.