Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Into the black hole, I fall

I feel like I'm spinning around and around and I'm losing control of everything I had a grip on.

The whirling ball of anxiety in my chest gets faster and faster to where it makes me dizzy and I just want to scream.

I can't even concentrate enough to get this post out. What am I trying to say?

I'm fed up! I'm so mentally exhausted, right now, in this moment with the world. The world can kiss my butt because I'm not answering the door.

I just want to give up some days. Just say "you win, you can have it all". Take everything I have worked on and take credit for it. Take everything that I'm proud of and make it worthless. Take what I am so proud of and make it shameful. Just do it and get it over with.

That would be easier.

I just want to sleep for days and days and pretend I have no responsibilities; that I don't have a million and one things to worry about; that I don't have a pile of stress just waiting to crash down on me. Can't I check out? Please? Just give me a day.

I'm just so tired.